The 4th Dimention

I love her so much.  I was so stupid when I let that other girl kiss me.  I should have stopped her; but I didn’t.  Then, when I was too afraid of hurting my boo, I broke up with her.  I didn’t want her finding out what I did.

Now, I am so close to getting my boo back it’s killing me.  I honestly can’t see myself growing old with anyone else.  I’ve grown so close and comfortable with her that it’s almost scary to think about losing it all; all that we have worked towards.

I want to make my boo my wife.  I want her to be my partner in life and share with me my triumphs and stand with me in my failures.  Be there through thick and thin no matter what horrible things life seems to bring.

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Wow, So I came back from my trip to Florida this past Sunday.  I must say, it was a lot different than I could have ever predicted.  I thought it was going to either be really good or really bad; the extremes.  Ironically enough, the days were absolutely amazing, except for Thursday in which most of my day I was by myself.  But just because the days were amazing doesn’t mean the nights were too.  Nights were made up of very hard conversations for the most part.  I never really opened up to her up until then.  It was very hard.

 

Well anyway, I’m back now and I’m so afraid that it might be goodbye.  She has a boyfriend that she loves and I’m three thousand miles away with a piece of me missing down there.  I’ve made a lot of mistake and I understand why she can’t fully trust me.  I just wish she could see inside me and see what I’m thinking and feeling.

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The other day I realized something. I did something stupid back in June and regretted it. To cover up for my mistake I made it seem like I meant to do it.

This past Sunday, it's Tuesday now, I texted someone to tell them I was sorry for what I did, not knowing that they were actually back in the area for the weekend. Well they decided to stop by and well it was interesting. This person was an ex that I cheated on with my last ex. I didn't mean to cheat but it happened. I broke up because I didn't want her to find out; this time it was not my fault.

Well in my time away from the ex I cheated on I realized that I cheated on the one person who has always loved me (again). How can I keep doing this? This was the last time and I swear, this time I'm taking actions to finally settle down.

I do love her :)

...no matter what I do or say...

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If you ever saw someone with a smile on their face and talked to them, do you think they would tell you why they were happy? Would they tell you about the fact that they got a big promotion or that they won an award or that they got out of work and are now on their way home to go on a vacation to Europe? I think they would.

Now, what if you saw someone who looked like they were about to cry? Someone whose eyes are all red and misty with a frown on their face. What if you asked them why they were sad, do you think they would tell you? Would they tell you that their wife left them for someone else or that their son or daughter ran away from home? I think if you asked them they would ignore you thinking you were trying to mock them. At the same time, however, maybe that sad person just needs someone to ask what's wrong and listen for everything to be ok. Maybe they just need someone to not say a word, not provide a solution and not try to compare to their problems to the problems of the sad person.

People are almost always willing to share their triumphs but the tragedies tend to stay inside. Sometimes it's because people don't want to hear your problems or if they do, they want to put their own input into things.

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